Desperation The Animus

Diving into Desperation

Some of you might be wondering, why should I bother reading this random book by this random author? It’s the famous WIIFM (What’s in it for me?).

Well, let me give you a taste. I promise it’s good.

I’d imagined this moment a thousand times. I’d run, he’d knock me down and break my spine so I couldn’t get away. If I fought, he’d break my arms and fingers, one by one. If I stood my ground, he’d break me like he’d broken my father. If I surrendered, he’d use me like a puppet, forcing me to submit to him and taking everything from me, including my life. I’d imagined every scenario and every outcome was my death. I was going to die. Right here. Right now. There was no alternative.

One of my favorite paragraphs to write was right there. Imagining your own death isn’t something slow. It’s violent, and the panic seizing you is more vicious than a honey badger. When you’ve had years to engrain the terror into your marrow, it’s worse. It festers inside you, and no matter what you try, you can never completely remove the rot.

Desperation isn’t just about Charlotte’s bid to save her sister and herself. It’s about the situation of every character in the book. Everyone has something they desperately want.

Aurek is desperate to find his betrothed.

Allison is desperate to know why she is so different from everyone around her.

Elaine is desperate to escape the pain of her injuries, both physical and emotional.

Gregor is desperate for an escape from the reality that is his father.

Vera is desperate for a little entertainment, perferrably in the form of someone else’s misery.

And for me, it’s that last piece of brownie I’ve been eyeing all night. Damn you chocolatey goodness…

But Desperation isn’t all about the dark moments in someone’s life. It’s about pulling someone from the darkness and anchoring them, settling the turbulence of their despair and giving them hope.

“I am not judging, Charlotte. I am saying, I understand. I have been where you are, and I am here to be whatever you need me to be.”

I almost snapped at Hunter, but instead, a heavy breath dragged through me.

I almost accused him of not being able to understand because he wasn’t a fool like me.

I almost swore at him, called him untrue names, and made vague threats to make him leave me.

I almost lashed out, my fingers itching to curl into a fist and knock him back into the wall.

Almost. Almost. Almost.

Instead of all the things I almost did, I took in deep breaths and did the one thing I had never done before. I looked into Hunter’s calm, steady, eyes and didn’t look away, facing a fear I hadn’t realized I had until that moment. The fear of being judged and found inadequate.

If you’ve found this someone in your life, that someone who is your anchor, you know what this moment is like. If you haven’t found them yet, I hope you do. To allow someone in enough to trust them with the real you — it’s something special.

This is what Desperation, what The Animus series, is about. Finding that someone who is your anchor, that perfect balance to the shit storm your inner thoughts can become, and the one you maybe think you aren’t good enough for.

Purchase Desperation today from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or from your local book store. Though it’s currently available in paperback, the eBook is coming!


(Paper back only!!! Gotta love that Amazon engine playing games)